would you believe people COMPLAINED that they weren't in the first one? fine, i'll roast some more of you. sheesh. if you're not given a part in this one, it's because either you've made no impact on me & i don't remember you, or i have nothing mean / semi-witty to say about you. you're all present, though. everyone not speaking is standing against the wall looking uncomfortable. + i still hate rabcon + by lish [ the scene: rabcon '04. keith alexander has taken over & usurped voting power as it's been four years & no one has found a way to decide democratically. the event is thus located outside of modern american bodyarts. we find rebekah the ubiquitous here. she long ago traded the mechanical la-z-boy in for a car/queen-sized-bed hybrid - four posters, dust ruffle & all - & controls it by twitching her eyebrows. she tries not to move otherwise. ] rebekah: The reason I don't move much is because my knee was splattered in a car accident. guy who hit her: That's right. I made Bekah fat. [ at this, rebekah sort of zones out. her eyes attain an off cast & she starts mumbling. abbie walks up to her, frowning & trying to breathe through only his mouth. ] rebekah: metacrawler, yahoo, altavista, hotbot, lycos, infoseek, google, fido, fast search, netword, linkmaster, keyword.com, search king, webcrawler, thunderstone... abbie: This convention is stupid. Yttrx could have, and has, done this and everything else far better. abbie: Uh, Bekah? Why are you drooling like that? [ keith approaches, wearing a tight, sleeveless, bottle-green silk dress & black twenty-hole doc martens. elfie comes up right behind him, & is caught staring at his ass. no one can really blame her, though. iniquity joins them after a moment. she smells strongly of vanilla & is eating a vanilla ice cream cone with vanilla sprinkles. ] keith: You know, I DO sort of look like Sinbad! iniquity: So, did everyone check out my portfolio? I swear, my camera makes every piece look blown-out, but it's not true. I'm a great tattooist. Really. elfie: Anyone want an ElfFingerUpTheirButt[tm]? iniquity: I do! abbie: l3sb0n3z keith: bring on the show! :D XxadiexX: I am not a lesbian, dammit. iniquity: Did I mention I'm an artist? And I never make blow-outs. keith: blow THIS [ rebekah is leaning off her bed-vehicle, chalking "101 Reasons Why I Love Carrot Top" on the sidewalk. iscariot is watching with a look of distaste on her face. ] iscariot: God, Bekah, I hate you. I hate you so much. I don't have the guts to say this to your face, but one day, one day I'll tell you how much I hate your fucking emails; how I hate your do-goody attitude and your touchy-feely persona. I hate you with every ounce of my being, but that's only enough to tell everyone else about it. Never you, Bekah. Never you. rebekah: Hi, Judy! Do you want to go MUNCH with me? :) iscariot: Yeah, okay. [ rebekah & iscariot motor off to the nearest taco bell. scamp shows up dressed in a corset & leather pants, & is leading geoffrey by a leash attached to his nipple rings. ] scamp: Someone tighten my corset. Now. [ the rabcon attendees look at one another, confused. ulf shrugs, walks over to scamp & tightens the corset. scamp ties geoffrey's leash to a tree & walks into MAB. she proceedes to fiddle with her earrings & then touch every sterile surface in the building. keith stares, slackjawed, at scamp's indiscretion. ] keith: !?@!# chef: I've been watching her, Keith. I can show you everything she contaminated. keith: I thought I wasn't talking to you. scamp: Keith, this cheap soap you use isn't up to APP standards. And these paper towels aren't good enough either. And this floor tile is loose. And there are two specks of dust in the corner over there. And I don't like this cabinet. [ keith senses something amiss & walks over to scamp. his head turns into a laser-doom-ray cannon & a searing red heat envelopes scamp's prone body. the entire city of philadelphia is aghast. ] keith: [ a loud snap is heard. the people in the shop see a spectre tear away from scamp. she falls to the floor exhausted. witnesses later claim the spectre looked *exactly* like anne greenblatt - right down to her pompous expression & that stupid forehead dangle thing. ] scamp: Oh my God, Keith, I'm... SO sorry! I... I don't know what happened. keith: sigh. [ scamp limps outside & untethers geoff from the tree while keith sets to boiling his shop in madacide. a similar snap & ghost-like presence is reported by those outside MAB. dymention, never caught without alcohol, hands geoff a tall glass of amber liquid. geoff eats some raw ramen with the beverage & recovers within moments. ] geoffrey: Thank God I've never been a scrawny, girl-faced dork boy with bad hair and an out-of-place septum ring. I don't think I could tolerate an entire life that way. [ lobes & mo approach warily. among other things, there is a broken car alarm, six dozen wire coat hangers, a small mailbox, & a twig through lobes's ears. ] lobes: you ppl are all 2 mean. im going to #bodyart2!!! mo: i don't find this funny at all. [ lobes & mo catch a bus to a parallel world where everyone is happy & nice all the time. there's no sardonic humor or teasing, & everyone has ops always. the entire world of #bodyart is banned from this place. ] XkimX: so, anyone wanna sneak behind MAB and smoke a joint with me? abbie: What, you've given up being s-X-fucking-stupid? XkimX: DON'T FUCK WITH STRAIGHTEDGE!!!!! [ enter oldfreak. he's got eight inch ebony plugs in his earlobes & is wearing a three-piece suit from jcpenney's. rave crosses the street towards the gathering. he looks jealously at keith's outfit. rebekah & iscariot have returned from munching. ] rave: i could look that good in a dress if only i weren't so fat iscariot: You look anorexic, Rave. Shut up about your weight. Or lack thereof. rebekah: I understand you, Rave. There are drugs that can help you lose weight. Here, I have some in my purse. [ rebekah pulls a large suitcase out from under the comforter of her bed-car. she pops the latches & begins distributing pills. ] rebekah: I like the blue ones best. The make me feel the happiest. rave: what are these little white ones? rebekah: They're for when I want to get laid. [ mistung walks up to the meeting. she immediately walks away. ] barry: FUCK HER! [ lish crashes onto the scene, riding dusty. she pulls out a length of rope & lassos keith easily. keith goes down. lish hogties him (:16) & tosses him across dusty's rump. they ride off into the horizon. fydo walks up with heidi. bert follows them, zipper down & cock out. ] scamp: Those were nice chaps. fydo: Guys, I'm going to get a PA! heidi: get a magik cross instead! bert: yes, get a magik cross instead! heidi: yes, a magik cross! bert: a magik cross! a magik cross! KEVIN COOK: Check my site under "crosses, magik." corine: *We need someone with a magic cross to join our commune... :) [ shannon larratt joins the party. his lobes are nearly big enough for bert to step through. ] bert: they are not.....I'm part of lmsgu!..grr....... shannon: I caused a sixteen car pileup today. I was walking on the I-76 overpass and all sixteen drivers looked up at once. Fourteen of them were killed in the accident. some_guy: i wrote u emale sharon did u get it??? pls send me porn ok!!!!!! dick: Eh? Er, wot? I dunno about them - they're blitzed wiv 'em! The devil strike me black! 'Ot 'o 'th' ''! *stephanie*: [ a great fist rends the sky in twain & proceedes to crush the screaming RABies one at a time between its mighty fingertips. ] [ the end. for real this time. ] ...but one more thing before i go. a special bonus: + THINGS YOU WON'T HEAR IN THIS LIFETIME + by lish rebekah: You know, I don't need drugs after all! I'm going to go take a four-mile jog. scamp: I don't recommend going to Trevor. His work isn't that great. heidi: you're not welcome here. dawn: i'm sorry. i was wrong. golgotha: huh. I really don't like beer. fydo: Guys, I got my PA today! :-) katester: i fucking hate libraries. shitfuck. jamshed: Ok, I admit it. I lied about the whole thing because I want him to fuck me so much. baital: i think this whole SETI thing is a crock. lish: i'm in *love*!