[ note: for serious answers, read texts by lish: tattoo faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing.txt piercing faq: http://compunction.dyndns.org/healing2.txt ] Yttrx's World Famous Punk Piercing Method #2; Home Surgery! Materials: A bottle of tequila (Jack Daniel's can be substituted in a pinch) Some water A pot Fire A pair of common household cuticle scissors Lots and lots of paper towels A mirror A week's supply of smack Some tinfoil Aspirin An earring stud with a butterfly back. A sidewalk A engorged and festering cyst with a butterfly back embedded in it 1. Get all of the materials listed above. 2. Sit down on a sidewalk somewhere with all of the materials listed above. 3. Use the tequila to get really drunk. And remember, punks drink it right out of the fucking bottle. 4. Take the earring stud that you brought with you and rub it back and forth on the sidwalk to sharpen it. 5. Grasp one of your earlobes tightly with the thumb and forefinger (or whatever intact fingers youve got) of either hand and with all of your might, shove the sharpened end of the earring stud through your earlobe. 6. Pick up the butterfly back and push it over the sharp end of the earring stud. Make sure its TIGHT. The tighter the better. Make it hurt. Make it bleed. Punks are *always* in pain. 8. Rub some sidewalk grime all over your new piercing. Make sure to really work it into the hole. This would be a good time to start shouting some british obscenities to anyone who happens to be around. 'Piss off you bloody wanker' is an oldie but a goodie. 7. Wait two weeks. During this time you may feel free to do some of the smack you brought; but DONT shoot up. Thats why you brought tinfoil and not syringes, dumbass. You can also beg for change and food from passers-by. If you're really in the mood, you may refer to Yttrx's World Famous Punk Piercing Method #1, Cheek Skewering for Fun and Profit. 8. After two weeks, pick up the mirror and look your earlobe with it. Is it nice and huge? Does it hurt alot? Is it some kind of weird color? Can you still see the earring? If you answered yes to all but the last question, you may go to step 9. If not, go back to step 7. 9. Put the water that you brought with you into the pot. Put the pot on top of the fire. Put the pair of common houshold cuticle scissors into the pot of water. (this is an acceptable sterilization method for this particular bit) 10. Take the aspirin, cause the next few steps are going to be VERY painful. 11. After the water has been boiling for at LEAST a minute, reach in and pull out the cuticle scissors. Now pay attention, because the next two steps have to be done as quickly as possible: 12. While the cuticle scissors are still very hot, pick up the mirror and wedge it between your legs so that you can see your earlobe. 13. While the cuticle scissors are still very hot, grasp your engorged and festering cyst with the butterfly back embedded in it with the fingers of your choice. 14. While the cuticle scissors are still very hot, close them and plunge the point straight into the engorged and festering cyst. 15. Squeeze your lobe with your fingers as hard as you can. If you hear a loud *POP* sound in that ear, you did it right. If you hear a loud *POP* sound with BOTH ears, you did it REALLY right. 16. Grab some paper towels and wipe off all the blood and puss and any hard thing that might be hanging around in there. Study the lumpy cottage cheese-and-bloody goo stuff. Poke it with your fingers. See if either the earring stud or the butterfly back is in there anywhere. If they're both in there, proceed to the last step. If you are missing one or the other, or both, proceed to the next step. 17. After having wiped off the excess blood and puss and stuff, slowly snip away at the edge of the hole you made with the cuticle scissors until it meets the hole that your earring is/was in. Continue blotting wound with paper towels so you can see what the fuck you're doing. 18. Once you have a nice big hole, close the cuticle scissors and insert the point into the hole, then slowly open the scissors to open the hole so you can see if theres anything left in there. If theres too much blood and shit in there, feel around with your fingers. 19. When you feel something hard, slowly move the cuticle scissors until they are touching it, then close the scissors on it. 20. Pull it out. 21. Repeat until both the earring stud and the butterfly back are accounted for. 22. Pour lots of tequila over the wound to clean it off. Alternately, if youd rather be drinking the alchohol than putting it on your ear, pour the water out of the pot and piss in it. Then pour your urine over the wound cause thats sterile and itll clean it off better. -----yttrx ------------------------------------------------------------------------- This portion of Yttrx's World Famous Punk Piercing Method was brought to you by the letters F and U and the number 666